Sex is something widely discussed among friends, at the local bar, on TV, in the most different ways and perhaps in ways that are less constructive. And it often seems that a great number of people have hot sex at every possible moment. A person who watches certain films and listens to certain discussions might start wondering if his/her sex life is normal.
How important is quantity in sex? How often is it normal to have sex?
Firstly, sex can be experienced individually or in the company of a sexual partner. Intimacy and sex with oneself are important steps towards understanding who we are, our likes and dislikes, and ultimately to be more aware in a relationship with a partner.
Each couple has its own set of interactions, its own expectations, its own way of finding satisfaction in a life as a couple, just as each individual has his or her own personal way of experiencing and interpreting these elements. Similarly, whether or not a couple has sex, how often and the quality of sex depends on personal expectations and the way in which the couple works.
One must then consider that the level of sexual desire is different for each of us, regardless of gender. Some people hardly ever think about sex and so sex is not relevant in emotional relationships as a couple, while others think about it frequently during the day.
There are couples who never have sex, there are other couples who do it several times a day. Not all people need to have sex in order to feel like a ‘couple’, as is the case with asexual couples.
What happens if one of the partners wants to have sex more often while the other does not? Agreeing on sexuality is an important aspect in the life of a couple. It could be very frustrating either to have a great desire for one’s partner and be rejected, or to be the object of insistent attention when there is no desire.
It would first be important to understand whether things have been this way since the beginning of the relationship or whether something has changed in the couple’s sexuality over time. A decrease in desire can be due to stress-related problems, conflict in the couple, dissatisfaction with one’s body or with the sexuality with one’s partner. It can also be due to emotional difficulties, worries about work, physical and hormonal changes in certain phases of life (pregnancy, childbirth, menopause, andropause), health problems (drug therapy, surgery), or substance use/abuse. In such cases, it would be important to explore further in order to receive help on a broader scale.
If the problem is due to a difference in the level of desire between the two partners, a sexology expert can help find new ways and new understandings to experience sexuality in a more satisfying way for both partners. By finding good and open communication, and thus a good balance and harmony with respect to the sexual needs of one and the other, this will also be reflected in the day-to-day life of the couple.
In conclusion, if we really want to find a more ‘formal’ meaning to the topic, we can say that what makes us feel good about ourselves and in our relationships with others is normal.
Here’s wishing that everyone will a sexuality that is satisfying for them!