{"id":872,"date":"2022-07-04T19:07:35","date_gmt":"2022-07-04T17:07:35","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/noraelbe.com\/2022\/07\/04\/lamore-rende-liberi\/"},"modified":"2023-04-12T21:21:44","modified_gmt":"2023-04-12T19:21:44","slug":"lamore-rende-liberi","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/noraelbe.com\/en\/lamore-rende-liberi\/","title":{"rendered":"Love sets you free"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t
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In this small space of reflection, I would like to talk about what makes us feel good in love.<\/p>

How many times have we heard poignant love songs? How many times have we seen films in which it seems that \u2018true love\u2019 has a price and requires sacrificing oneself for the other? But is it then true that we have to suffer, otherwise what we experience is not true love?<\/p>

The choice of \u2018models\u2019 of love that sometimes do not make us feel good may be linked to cultural models learnt from childhood and to emotional deficiencies in very early stages of our lives.<\/p>

In all relationships there can be moments of misunderstanding and situations that we handle awkwardly. In a moment of anger we may find ourselves saying something we do not really<\/p>

mean. It is important to try not to get to those angry levels and, if anything, to stop the discussion until both parties are in a calmer frame of mind, so that we can deal with it calmly.<\/p>

If we rarely experience moments of nervousness where we \u2018lose control\u2019, it means that we are making an effort to deal with the moments of misunderstanding in the best possible way. If, on the other hand, nervous episodes recur, some reflection is called for. Such situations in fact affect the emotional well-being of both sides – either of those who raise their voices and perhaps say unpleasant things, or of those who keep quiet without reacting. Therefore, also to protect the relationship, it is wise to seek professional help to deal with difficult emotions.<\/p>

When complex situations arise in a relationship, it is a good idea to ask yourself \u201cWhat did the other person really do? How did I react?\u201d without blaming yourself for everything that is wrong. Extreme attitudes, ranging from shirking all responsibility in order not to face one\u2019s own difficulties, to excessive assumption of responsibility, are firstly not good for us, and secondly they do not allow us to have more balanced relationships.<\/p>

What we call \u2018love\u2019 can also become our prison. In fact, when in a relationship we feel controlled, criticised, and constantly feeling inferior, when we no longer feel like going out with friends, cultivating our interests, or spending time with the people and events we would like to, because we do not want to \u2018take time away\u2019 from our partner, or we feel plagued by anxiety and guilt if we do, we are no longer so free.<\/p>

Having only one person as a reference point for all our needs can create a sense of emptiness and make our lives dull, and can overload the person next to us with expectations. To expect the other person to have only us as a point of reference, to give up his or her interests and friendships, is a restriction of the other person\u2019s freedom. Love is a game of balances in which one seeks harmony. If there is a lack of two-way communication, unconditional acceptance, or a feeling of trust in the other, the relationship can become complicated and negative experiences influence our perception of ourselves.<\/p>

Can love set us free?<\/p>

Yes. When we are in a relationship with a partner who listens to us, accepts us, and appreciates us for who we are, we can feel free. When a partner expresses his or her difficulties and disappointment, but does so with sensitivity and delicacy, without affecting our personal security, we can feel free. When we in turn can voice our ideas, our opposition or dissatisfaction, without being afraid that our partner will abandon us, we can feel free.<\/p>

We must also be aware, however, that this does not only depend on the other person, but also on us. We are the first to either approve or disapprove, to criticise or allow ourselves to give ourselves praise. Each of us reckons with our own inner judge. We are the first to consider whether or not we are worthy of love, affection, and acceptance.<\/p>

A person I mentored who had experienced a highly dependent relationship, at the end of which she had felt \u2018drained\u2019, told me: \u201cNow I think I deserve to be loved because I exist, not because of what I do\u201d. We should remember that we are deserving of love for the very reason that we exist.<\/p>

In order to be happy in relationships we must first be happy with ourselves.<\/p>

I have a hard time seeing the couple as consisting of two halves of an apple, I prefer the image of two whole apples choosing to be together.<\/p>

What do you think?<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In this small space of reflection, I would like to talk about what makes us feel good in love. How many times have we heard poignant love songs? How many times have we seen films in which it seems that \u2018true love\u2019 has a price and requires sacrificing oneself for the other? But is it […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":721,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[23],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-872","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-news-en"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/noraelbe.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/872","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/noraelbe.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/noraelbe.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/noraelbe.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/noraelbe.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=872"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/noraelbe.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/872\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":879,"href":"https:\/\/noraelbe.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/872\/revisions\/879"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/noraelbe.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/721"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/noraelbe.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=872"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/noraelbe.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=872"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/noraelbe.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=872"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}